Hi desert4now,In my own experiences I realized part of me was becoming abusive.It is like a repeated pattern.For a long time I was not aware that I was been abusive.To me it was a way of being.One day I realized that It was not fair to put my husband through this.It was my battle and why should he suffer.He done nothing to me.
It is like you wake up and realize you are living your past and venting your anger on the people around you.I still suffer but I have learnt not to react in an abusive way.
I attended a seminar of Tony Robbins 2 years ago.
I found his self help programme Get the Edge helped me to identify certain conditioning and associations from childhood.I feel the past 15 years have been a crucifixion for me mentally.But the only person that can help me is ''me''.

My husband is there for me when I need a hug when I am feeling very emotional.But there is nothing else he can do for me.
I have to heal my'self.
Andress