NYC. You don’t sound negative; you are just telling it how it is and I appreciate that. I’ve been reading a lot particularly these past 12 months about anything and everything to help him. And from my own experiences I know it will be worse, that’s why we are putting it off until he is in a stable environment, here.
I’m just searching for some hints on ways to help him get through the next 6 months before he gets here.

UPSTREAM.
Yes I have looked into CBT extensively. I had anxiety and depression when we met, and it was this beautiful man that encouraged me to get into it. I’d had some mental abuse issues from a previous relationship that I was in denial were affecting me. I’d also been abusing weed after that break up to block out my emotions and keep me on track – not going back to him.
And then at one stage after our (the man I still love) break up, I was showing all the symptoms of Bi polar disorder. And the CBT did wonders – after I found the right therapist, someone young, who could relate to the X/Y gen.
So I’ve actually been treated with it myself. And I think I’m fine now. As in I definitely don’t have Bi-polar. But I am aware I have tendencies towards it if I don’t look after myself. I think, from my experience – training your body to instinctively breathe deeper played a major part. Now I am an astanga yoga addict. My teacher confided that she had helped lots of people with their trauma treatments by adding a good dose of hardcore yoga. It trains your mind and your body in unison – and it also makes you very tired, because it is an internal cleanser. I strongly recommend to anyone, but particularly those suffering from any anxiety disorders – it definitely alleviates the symptoms.
Anyone reading this, sufferers or carers, try to find a good yoga class, but make sure its flow yoga (power yoga or astanga), not the chilled out ones. It’s meditation for the mind and the body and it’s extremely challenging, yet it encourages each individual to go at their own pace, not push too hard, allow the body to tell you when you are ready. It’s obvious to me how the yoga practise could be beneficial to those in PSTD treatment, as well as those stressed while they support them.

REBT therapy, no. I will be looking into it extensively.
I have been looking at NRP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)therapy, a relatively new practise advocated by quite a few specialists in Australia.
I’ll let you know as I know more, but it is something he can get started on for now, as there is a lot of theory and reading involved before the therapy starts. It actually sounds quite amazing.

Thank you for your comments. Please let me know if you have any links to REBT that would be most beneficial.

Darling Shoshin,

Thank you so much for explaining your story. I hope mine helped you too.
I quickly read it just before we spoke on the phone today. I’ll give you my update below.
Your lady believes in you, and you are clearly very special and lucky to have her. You obviously give her things and touch her life in a very special and beautiful way, you are clearly an amazing person. And in time you will realise that. Every time someone pays you a compliment, read it, or repeat it and believe it and eventually you will.
Hang in there gorgeous, you have a lot to offer, I can tell. And she loves you.
But as advice, if some words drive you nuts, tell her. I am not one to dispel I love you very often, I’ve had some intimacy issues before, and it just doesn’t spill out of my mouth naturally. I’m not sure about you of course, but with him, he feels better when I help him change his thoughts. Like reminding him of goals he’s eager to reach, outside of overcoming pstd. Maybe you could ask her to do that, if it would help. For me, any little clue into how I can make our communication easier for him is like gold dust. Maybe you could plan a holiday for some stage in a few months when you are stage “x” of therapy. Like maybe somewhere deserted like south east asia. It might just give you and your wife that extra goal, outside of the focus point.
Please feel free to make as many comments about how you are feeling here again, and if you have any questions for me, I’d be happy to offer my insight.

Spititofnow.
You gorgeous thing.
What a self aware person you are.
I am being nice to myself. I have learnt a lot from our first stint together, and I have also grown and healed a lot. I’m as strong as an ox now. I know how to protect myself. And he knows I won’t put up with anything like before. He says he has a fear of pissing me off and upsetting me, which is probably a good thing. I’m armed with a lot of info now, but I really like to hear from people directly about their experiences. So it’s great to hear how you feel and I hope you continue to tell me your story and progress, good or bad.
I can tell you are coming to some amazing realisations and break throughs.
Stay strong, and believe in yourself.

OK here is the update.
We spoke on the phone today.
I decided to try not let it get heavy, and besides, I am at work and have my work hat on, so it couldn’t anyway.
But I wrote a list of things, just general things that I thought might help and then waited for the right time to discuss them in the conversation.
He began by explaining where he is at, and how glad he was that I was there for him the past week. I was unsure if I had helped ( we’d been firing text messages back and forth for 8 hours a day). He said it helped tremendously as it was one of the worst trips ever and he wasn’t sure how it would have went had I not been there. I told him I was proud and pleased that he at least reached out in writing all those texts. He acknowledged it was a big step for him and hopefully felt some sort of happiness with his progress.
See, I’m not one to “piss in some ones pocket” as the saying goes. As caring as I may sound and I very much am the type of friend or sister who gives “tough love”. I’m compassionate, but I will never lie, and this situation has groomed me into being a lot more diplomatic than I am naturally.
This works to my advantage, as he knows I’m not going to compliment him unless I really think it so. Anyway, I digress…
So we got to the bottom of it. He realised that he inadvertently got in a conversation about his childhood the other week. And slowly it had built up to over drive overwhelmed anxiety attack.

He told me he really did get tempted to pick up the phone a couple of times, but then he felt suffocated and stunned and couldn’t do it. I told him he needn’t have said anything, less “ I want you to rant at me till I feel better”. He likes my whimsical, philosophical rants. I’m very well read and have had a lot of experiences so he likes my insight.
Today I said I felt a bit nervous about giving him insight, as I am no expert. He said he takes that on board with what I say and he wants me to just be straight up with my advice.
So I took it back a notch and addressed his pot smoking and caffeine intake. To my surprise he had no idea about the adverse side effects of caffeine on anxiety. And he didn’t know that weed could dig a hole to all sorts of anxiety problems both in the short and long term.

He said that calling himself ‘evil’ was something he got from childhood, the mental abuse from his mother, she was always trying to convince him he was evil and that he had schizophrenia, and all sorts of awful shit to be telling a child. She also threw him into a mental health hospital and never returned. Anyway, when he goes into a trance he makes it worse because he gets all worried he has schizophrenia as well as pstd. I can’t be sure, but I think he hears her yelling at him, and that is why he is able to almost convince himself he has schizophrenia.

I assured him all his texts were very clear and concise and in no way resembling a mad man, just a pained man. It was clear at this point what had happened, how it was triggered, how he got in the trance and why he couldn’t get out of it. A penny dropped about a lot of things that took place when we broke up, he was going around telling people who were close to me that I was insane. I mean I was very neurotic at the time, but I realise now he was projecting a lot of this shit his mother did onto me. I never really understood why he did this, he even went up to my ex partner, who he wanted nothing to do with and told him he thought I was going crazy. I think he realised we were going to break up and was trying to prevent me getting back together with my ex. He had this really strong grip on the thought that I’d go back to my ex partner of 6 years. There was nothing I could do to properly convince him that I was not in love with him(ex) at all. To me it was so ridiculous.

This mother thing is a tricky one. I am a good listener and I try not to pry too much when it comes to things like this. He was very open with me when we were together and was later to tell me that it freaked him out and was a major reason why he lost his senses with me and turned into a prick and made me eventually, for my own sanity, throw him out. That was three years ago and he told me that a year ago. He told me yesterday that he has managed to not turn against people who are helping him and feels so lucky that I have given him a second chance.
One thing he has never told me is that his mother is not really dead – only to him she is. I was to find this out from his father (who he only met when he was a grown up).
So when he kind of talks about stuff, I’m trying to get information without confusing him, because he thinks he’s told me more than he actually has. Or maybe I’ve forgotten the tiny details. You know, I need to be asking him questions, to keep him talking about things, but I don’t want to offend him, having him think I don’t remember all he confided.
Anyway, its good news for now. We had a nice talk, it felt good. And he’s sent me some loving texts, and we’ve agreed it would be best if we spoke for a short while every single night. He told me that would help him stay in check. So that is great progress I reckon.
If anyone has any advice at all, I would love to hear it. I’ve become completely addicted to reading this forum, there are so many beautiful people here.

Thanks for the messages, you people seem wonderful spirits and I look forward to getting to know you and offering what I can along the way.