Hi, I too am new to this forum. I think that it is good to get perspective on trauma by hearing what others have experienced, and I have to say that by looking around on this site I am HUGELY relieved to see that I am not bad, mad, weird or dangerous!

Don't forget that if you have PTSD, it is a neurological problem. You can't just 'get the hell over it' because what is happening is a subconcious (ie uncontrolled) and completely NORMAL response to an event which the human brain is not able to process. It is after all your brain's way of preventing your death!

Whether the trauma occurred because of a good or bad choice or something beyond your control does not change the symptoms you have. If you think this, you risk burying the problem only to have it pop up again and again in your life.

You are right to say that no-one has experienced the pain which YOU have felt - how can they have? There is only one of you, with your personality, history, understanding of the world and unique response to life. I bet that if you think about it, you will see you have had moments of admirable strength even in adversity. Others will have similar moments, but yours are unique to YOU! Celebrate that fact!

Having said that, it is important to try and get rid of the concious feeling you say you have that says the world owes you something - otherwise when you get/experience good things how will you ever feel the joy of gaining in life?

Rather than saying 'this is amazing, and I am lucky!' you will be saying 'Why didn't I have this before? I am unlucky to have had to wait until now'.

I myself am attempting to rid myself of these kinds of concious 'clutter' (thoughts of anger, loss and bitterness) that naturally surrounds the PTSD I have. I really hope that by clearing this away, I will be able to actually deal with the subconcious cause of my PTSD and live the life I know I can build for myself. (It is starting to work, I think!!!)

So, don't worry about the causes, or compare yourself to others. Look for the silver lining around that big black cloud and ask for help when it starts to rain on you. I know thats what I plan to do. xxx