Hi Lisa,

Thanks for taking the time to respond so thoroughly. Everything you said makes sense to me.

I know that I feel like I "deserve" my pain but I don't know why. I struggle so much between what I can work out in my head rationally and what my feelings tell me. I also know that I have those guilt and shame problems too, without a rational explanation for them. I internalize everything and then analyze it within my head constantly.

I guess part of the problem is that if someone were to say to me that they are suffering like I am due to a car accident, I would scoff. Even though I know that's totally wrong of me, that their pain can be just as painful as mine. So then I turn that same idea onto myself and compare myself to others in the same manner. Again, I know it's wrong logically but I feel something different. It feels "fair" if I compare. Ugh, stupid, I know!!! I just want to say to myself "you're being so stupid!!!" but I can't get my feelings to feel another way.

Best,
Rachel (who is totally frustrated!)