Inspiring? Wow! You know how to make a girl feel better! Thankyou, but I must say it's just a reflection on how important this forum is, so you've got to take a huge credit for that and Kerrie-Ann too!

I've actually just come across a really good book. It hellish hard to read - so much so, that I only manage about a page at a time, then have to go away to think about it. It's by a guy called Jon Allen and the book is "coping with trauma: hope through understanding" it's in it's second edition.

The guy treats people with trauma-related illness through helping them understand how it all works - bloody complicated, but I'm managing to follow it. Particularly useful to me is the fact that it goes through how trauma in early life can affect things so much later on.

So far, it's looks like I'm fairly ****ed up, but on the other hand, it shouldn't be unexpected, considering my experiences. This has made me feel a lot better about myself, which in turn is helping me to deal with all the ptsd symptoms a bit better - i.e. I've got to take care of myself, not get angry at myself for being crazy. Obviously, it's much easier said than done, but there is hope there somewhere that I will someday get on top of this again, and maybe be able to stay on top of it (still thinking that this is a bit optimistic in reality!).

If I can feel comfortable with putting myself first, I will be much more likely to deal with this than if I allow myself to be intimidated by my employer into going back to work in order to save my job. I will be spending a lot of time finding out about my rights etc, so when it does come to the point of having to "consider my position" I can hit them hard with their responsibilities toward me and not get steam-rollered.