Wow,

You have given me some things to think about, spiritofnow.

I guess there is a part of me that wants to be saved, I dunno. I know that I have spent many years behaving as the savior...going through a string of relationships in my early days with women who in various ways seemed to need help, support, healing, whatever, and I still to this day feel an incredibly strong compulsion to do whatever I can to help alleviate suffering. I find myself ten years into a marriage that started with me wanting to help, to heal, to save, and now I am wondering what the hell am I still doing here? What else is there to our relationship? I just don't know right now...

I have many patterns, habits and internal scripts that are making it hard for me to help myself. When I do something for myself, I am afraid it is selfish, and when others pay attention to my needs, I feel weak and needy. I avoid praise, reject the spotlight, change the subject when I receive a compliment...I feel like I am here to serve and protect others, but not myself.

I guess I need to think about why I have so little compassion for myself...

You seem to be a very reflective person. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.