Purdy, a cyber hug your way. I know it can't be like the real thing, but just remember we have a saying out here, everything is bigger in Texas, so you got yourself a Texas sized hug.

Anthony, have fun riding the motorcycles! I used to do a little riding but those days are long past and now I could never see myself doing that again. But it sounds heavenly, be careful. You need a break doing so much here and at home. And stock up on the sleep while you still can before that little one gets here!

My day kind of sucked and I am no sure what to think of it. I had gone two nights of no sleep until 5 AM to get up a hour or two later and last night I got to sleep earlier but it was still 3 AM... I was visited today by my ex I forgave that helps me out a lot. He mowed my backyard down and my over grown neglected veggie garden, I can go plant some lettuce soon now and other fall things if I want. I just dont want to. Found some cucmbers surprisingly.

He insisted on taking me and the baby out to lunch but I was so tired. Agreed to pick up at one of my favorite places since I was not up to cooking for the little one or myself. Went by his house since we went into that town and that was it, I collapsed, I had a full belly of a food I love and no sleep practically at all for 3 days. I had the appointment today too. I woke up about 10 minutes before he was going to wake me and he was watching the little one for me. I just shot up after a hour of sleep in panic, bumping into walls and so disoriented... Took about 1/2 an hour to get my bearings.

I got home and got ready for doc, he took the baby for me and picked up the others from school for me to pick up this evening after doctor's appointment. Hubby came home from work to take me.

The shrink wants me to slow down and take it easy, stressing not a race. She was surprised I was able to come down the xanax like I planned and even a bit ahead of where we had planned. I said I am hard headed, she said I guess so.

She wasn't pushy like usual and agreed with hubby I was not as well as I could be and I may be taking things to fast and hard. She wants me to go ahead and keep tapering the xanax but to stop at 1.5 mg. She said she wants me to maintain at 1.5 and not go off like I was trying to do. I guess she did not think I would really have made it this far. She also upped the Zoloft. Wrong way but she said right now as I am in therapy to take it. I guess the way it was described kind of a buffer for therapy so I am not suffering too much and try to ease depression and the sort from it.

I feel like a failure taking it but hubby says I am not, just human. To accept I need it for now and I won't be on it for ever. He said it may help me sort through therapy and I will get to get off when I have a firmer grip and she agreed. She said I wasn't even on enough yet to effect me. So I go up to 75 mg for a week and then 100 after that. Go back in a month and a half to see where I am at that point. I am too tired to fight it, just take my dope like a good girl and do what I am told... F*** I hate this shit! I don't really know what makes sence to me right now.