I am very guilty of the TV/computer thing. With insomnia as bad as it is I just get out of bed because I am stirring so much and ticked I can't sleep, I also wake hubby with all of it. I can't do anything else so reading if I can concentrate, which is not often. If I cannot concentrate I will watch TV, info is fed to me...

During the day when the kids are going, messing, bickering, and hubby is home just having normal life happening it can be more than I can handle. I will crank up the TV and block everyone out. Drives hubby crazy. Drives kids crazy, they are all driving me crazy. So it is easier for me to "shut down" and concentrate on the one thing in front of me and put up a barrier so to speak. If I can find something enjoyable or just better than what I think about it is easier. It can slow down intrusive thoughts and keep you from blowing your top. May seem like a cop out but I get it. All man jokes aside...

But going off the first post, it is overwhelming and depression literally is a thing that physically wears you out and have tired achey muscles, without lifting a finger. It is the nature of the beast. Many a day I just look at the mess and thinking about it is all I can do! I am lucky my husband gets that. I know it is hard and guilt makes depression worse, you don't have to do anything to make him feel guilty, I am sure he is doing it enough on his own in his head.

One thing we are entertaining right now is a treadmill. I keep hearing exercising will help. Housework is a work out... BUT it seems so frigging pointless to do it when I get it done and feel better, as I HATE mess and clutter, to just have one person come along and drop their pants and shoes and socks in the floor... That would be hubs and younger son. My older son drags his crap out and makes a mess in the kitchen and leaves it on the table, older girl to do the same shortly after she is finished spilling feed all over the sun room, I don't even have to say what a 2 yo does... toys, colors, sheets of paper, books spread to the four winds. And countless other messes. What is the point to exert that for that in return when it takes everything I have to get in the damn shower???

That is where the idea treadmill came in, I can zone out in the TV if I want, but be active. I will be walking and not going anywhere so I don't expect to get anything in the end like a clean home, or get to a destination. Just get my body moving. If exercise really helps lift depression then this should help and I won't be disappointed when I get no where since the idea of a treadmill is not going anywhere to begin with. Crap... The 2 yo is giving her teddy bear a bath in the sink. Again, why bother? Should I stop her? Short of making a mess she isn't hurting anything and soon as I stop her she will just take the chaos somewhere else and on something else.

When I was a frigging drunk people used to comment you could eat off my floors I was so on top of it, drinking also made me able to socialize to have people say it ha ha! Now that I am not, even I am scared to even eat off my own table! Hell who knows, 4 kids maybe it is normal to say screw it and pick my battles, which right now is sleep. Think I will go put my nightgown on and sesame street is starting... fish her out of there and see if she will go watch it in bed with me. Yeah I get where he is coming from.