thanks tactman. hubby was over 3 times. the 2nd time he got home , stayed for 3 months, then went back again. he volunteered for it, i somehow think it was his way of 'not dealing' with reality, just going back to what he knows how to do. he wasn't around me and our son for 3 yrs,so i don't think he knows how to be the 'family' guy. just the soldier. ya know what i mean?