Hi there Carers'.
I have posted a few times here and there. It's been over a month now that my BF went into his shell and numbed out. We've had 2 conversations since then. He can't come out and say that he wants to be in relationship with me, and doesn't want to hold me back, but that I am his "rock and his strength' during the most stressful time in his life. I told him I am there for him. I know in my heart that he is not the man I met 4 months ago.
He has a new purpose now...to do with his Native culture and they have deemed his as a "healer" to fight the drug wars on the reserves. He is part Native and part Dutch, and very unique. I think it's wonderful that he is going back to his roots and becoming the man he was meant to be. I also know that there is no room in that for me. We live 5 hours apart and he doesn't call or text me anymore, but still wants a connection with me. Wants me to keep contacting him. He wants to see me next Friday. I guess I'll know for sure at that point and i can tell him how I feel. I've spent too many nights crying myself too sleep. I've educated myself about PTSD as much as I can for now. He cares for me I know, but I don't think I'm being selfish when I say I need more than 1 call per month. Life goes on and it hurts so much....to think that we never got the chance to see where it could have gone. He is a wonderful man, just not emotionally available. I don't want to give up on him, but I know I need more. Guess I have to tell him. I know where that will end up? Or should I just wait for him to "Un-thaw??)
I don't know anymore. Help.
Saira