Hi Anthony:

Thank you for the picture. Your little guy is so cute. I could see how he could be therapeutic for you. Kids are so much fun, alive when they are at that age. I have three nieces and a nephew. They are the joy of my life. I have no children of my own. During my 8 year marriage (unhealthy relationship) it was not a good idea. He was a cop who was very unsatisfied with just one wife. He had to have 7 women in his life. And a few years ago, I had a hysterectomy so am unable to have children now. I am sad at the fact I can't have children; but at the same time; I am relieved, as I am not sure I have it in me to provide what a child needs. If I meet a gentleman who has children, wonderful. The guys at my job are like my kids too. I spoil them. So I am surrounded by the joys of children. My sister said to me when I had the hysterectomy, "I'll share my kids with you." I thought that was sweet.

You're right, I don't see a positive that has come out of my experience, except that maybe my instincts are sharper when it comes to other people in my life. And meeting new people, I seem to recognize red flags if something isn't kosher. My therapist told me once that I am a resilient woman. A survivor. When she said that, I had a hard time with that. I guess I was at a point where I thought, oh, so that means life can deal me shit all of the time? But now I know where she is coming from. And I appreciate your telling me I'm strong. I guess I must be to be still kicking. Thank you so much.

I have found now in the last week, the "rage" and pressure in my head has lessened dramatically. I believe that has to do with a few things. One, discontinuing one of the meds I was one. Two, doing crafts and working out at the fitness center. And, three, talking with you. If people only knew how much it helps to be able to talk to others who have PTSD; how helpful it is relating and sharing personal experience. Usually on Saturdays I'm crashed in my recliner, very exhausted, no energy, and somewhat depressed. Today, I went to work out. I ran some errands. I started my laundry. Had a cup of coffee with my mother (MY MOTHER! who I rarely can relate anything to). And talked to my sister for awhile. Now that is a positive for me.

The therapist I will be doing the assessment for EMDR with is trained and licensed. I did a little research on my own, and also discussed it with my insurance company. So, I feel comfortable that she knows her stuff. I am sure she will not let too much come too fast for me. That would be stupid. I need to be able to function. And I have to keep my job. I know sometimes I worry that I won't be able to hold a job should things get worse. But, there's nothing I can do now. If it happens, I'll deal with it at that time.

I am glad to see there are others who have begun posting. Hope that continues. I think we could all learn from other's experiences. And, yes, even though all have PTSD, and have many of the same symptoms; the experiences are different. Doesn't mean one is worse than another. We all experience trauma, horror, etc.

I am so glad you started this forum. I hope it grows, and I hand it to you for wanting to help others while at the same time working on yourself in your journey.

I will talk to you again. And thank you again, Anthony!