you are not selfish. reading posts keeps you in contact with others--fellowship, if you will. the diaries are more of a "if you want to, when you can" kind of thing. i'm sure we are all uncomfortable when we read something so personal and painful for others, but if it is making you stay upset, then you should wait til you feel like you can. i don't read others diaries, i come and go to the site to balance how much is on my plate. i deal with a lot of "others" problems at school. i pray for the people/problems here often for God knows all, and he can actually do something about it. i have trouble sometimes reading my own diary, and i back off some til i can. it is more important for you to be able to reread your own, as it is a kind of "exposure" therapy in itself. never feel guilty for self-care, it is not an option, but a necessity when you have ptsd. God bless.