Penelope,

From what I am learning about my own trauma, and the way my PTSD has been explained to me, what you saw and your feelings about it have been frozen in time by your avoidance of it. This avoidance is natural and normal in many ways because, after all, who would choose to relive an awful incident?

As painful as it is, though, the only way to keep that painful experience from being trapped in the present is to integrate it into your memory by processing it-- talking it through with a therapist and integrating it in a healthy way into your past so that you can move on.

Easy for me to say, right? I understand. I have fought hard not to revisit my own memories, but I am just beginning to get the courage to do just that. I know it will take time, but I am going to give it my best. That's all we can do is be brave and give it our best.

You sound brave to me. You posted here. You want to heal. You deserve to be safe and content and happy. Don't give up, even when it hurts like hell. I wish you all the best on your path.