No fair purdy! I understand your craving since I grew up with not having any "love". I was forturnate to have found someone. But I certainly don't feel good about putting him through hell. Trot on over to the spouse's forum and you can read what ptsd will do to the friend, spouse, lover, etc. I think that you have quite the bright future if you get yourself well and begin to accept yourself as you are. You will find that if you are comfortable in your own skin and like it, people will begin to like you too.