Thanks for the support and understanding Spirit.

He wants to call me and discuss the vivid dreams with me, see if I can help.
I don't know if I will be able to help but he seems to think I can. Maybe if he discusses them he will make his own interpretations and benefit from simply discussing them.
I bought him a lavender oil burner today, since he won't just go and buy one, he rarely does anything for himself, masochism seems such a prevalent theme in PTSD. So I bought him a big package of sketch books, oils and a burner, as well as some melatonin, in the hope he will try that and cut back on the dope smoking/drinking. These are all things I gave him when we were together, and they seemed to help. The lavender would knock him out and make him sleep like a puppy. It was weird, it used to frustrate him when he got a good nights sleep, like the good feeling from it confused him and made him more tired -- his body wanted more of it is how I saw it, but his head was going : "hey, hey, I'm not used to being fed and nourished properly by this guy".

Anyway, it's all the same really, except his nightmares are exceptionally vivid and violent this week. And he wants to talk to me about them.
His spirits seem quite high as he's admitting he's not great but dealing with it, said he knows that it's partly self inflicted (the drinking) but it's the way he is coping for now.
I don't really know what to say about that, I know that sometimes i just really don't want to think about things and just have a joint and forget about it. I mean, I wonder if he went sober if it would all become dreadfully unhinged for him, de-toxing, dealing with all the pain and not being able to function at work. He has 8 weeks to make this money to immigrate to Australia. It might sound weird but I'd feel irresponsible to telling him to go on the wagon and fight through it. Then another part of me thinks he the nightmares wont be as bad if he addresses some of this stuff during his waking hours. But then it appears that is a vicious circle like an obese person being told to stop eating suddenly and deal with their insecurities while they have hunger pains.

Bit of a tricky one, and since he's gotten this far doing what he does, I think I won't go the hard road of nagging him to do something he seems fully aware he needs to do. I think I will just listen to him, make him talk, make him feel safe. He's not stupid. And he's not a dangerous drunk to those around him, quite the contrary, after 5 beers, BB is more like most people are when they have had a relaxing massage.

The other thing is, he seems very set and certain about making me happy, with him, with myself with his actions. He knows how tough I am and he knows if he wants to be with me when he gets to Aus, that he has to go into some sort of treatment and stay clean. He knows, and he's one of the most tenacious of people I know. You don't go through what he has and still smile at those more fortunate than you without an enormously beautified determination and innate ability to challenge misery. As I write this he texts me, to apologise that he has not called yet, he is designing tonight's menu (he's a very hard working chef - this in itself is amazing) he's truly wondrous, how he fights this depression and gets things done. I'm often fascinated at all he achieves on the feeble "good sleep" count he has, not to mention the drink and weed. He is loved by many, everyone wants him to work for them, hang out with them, and he doesn't even see it.
I must have faith he will get through this. He must realise his dreams of immigrating here. God I love him. I never stop thinking about how much I love him, our connection, his sensitivity and honesty. He is truly unique and I want him now so much. Every day we draw each other closer. I'm amazed I can fall deeper in love with him than I was when I could touch, smell and see him.