Samsara,

How encouraging to know that he is trying, that he wants to share, that he has goals (getting to you and being willing to clean up).

Violent and vivid dreams are part of my experience, and can be influenced by SSRI medications as well as by the resurfacing of traumas via therapy. His willingness to share them shows a level of intimacy, at least in my largely uninformed opinion.

Sounds like you are making a very thoughtful effort to help him through (lavender, etc.) but know that you alone cannot change him, that change will come from his own decisions and at his own pace...facilitated, perhaps, but not controlled by you. My wife is going through the same frustrating/loving/patient/trying experience with me right now.

Every day is a winding road. How great that you care so much about each other and can navigate each day together, through good and bad.