Hi.

I've been browsing and trying to learn about PTSD a lot lately, and just found this forum.
I broke up with my boyfriend one month ago though I loved him with all my heart, and still do.

Everything was ok but when time came for us to live together he started to act weird. He seemed confused, became distant, couldn't express his feelings.
I suffered a lot from this change and finally realised he had a problem with setting up together.
He said he wanted to "try for me", but he was scared.
I tried to make him talk about why he was so scared about sharing a place but he could just tell me he was "stuck with himself" and that it had nothing to do with me and that he knew it was hard for me too.

Communication became really hard from then, and I had the feeling he was just trying to avoid a real conversation. I couldn't understand him at all.
I told him we could stop our relationship if he was not happy with me or uncertain about his feelings, but he said he didn't want it.
He became so passive, didn't try to improve the situation and I got totally discouraged. I felt he was indifferent and decided to break up.

He told me he didn't want our relationship to stop, that he thought it was just a break.
He kept telling me that he didn't want me to suffer and that I deserve to be happy. But I still couldn't get any explanation about the way he felt and why he didn't want to live with me.

I know my boyfriend lived a traumatic event a few years ago. Don't know much about it cause he didn't really want to talk about it.

He was sharing a flat with his girlfriend and her brother, who was also his best friend at that time. One day the last one commited suicide.I know nothing about the circumstances around this terrible event.
I just know after that his girlfriend broke up with him and he had to live the flat. Then my boyfriend's parents came to pick him up and took him back home. He told me he was only 55kg at that time, so I guess he was in a very bad state. It's all I know about that story.

Just one time my boyfriend showed me a picture of that friend he seemed to love so much.

I don't know if I'm right or not, but I was wondering if my boyfriend could suffer of PTSD and that would maybe explain how reluctant he was to share a place with me, like it could be a symptom of avoidance?

He had frequent mood changes, like he would tell me he was down.
He said he didn't know why, maybe the weather.
Lately he spent too much time alone watching movies. Before sleeping, in his bed, like it helped him to fall asleep.
He even downloaded a documentary about families and friends feelings after suicide of loved ones.

Even if he never let me know, I'm sure he was suffering, but kept it all inside. When I tried to talk about it with him, he just said "not now" "we'll talk about it another time".

Do you think the fear he felt about living with someone again could have lead him to let our relationship die?

Before meeting me he spent several years without having a girlfriend, now with hindsight I think it was maybe a way for him to protect himself from an eventual suffering...

In the beginning of our relationship, he told me he had a block in his head, I didn't really understand what he meant...

I remember I felt it weird he couldn' t say "I love you", and one day I was asking him about his feelings for me and it made him cry to tell me he loved me, like saying those words were a real source of suffering for him...

I feel so helpless I couldn't understand him and things ended this way.
I love him so much and I wish even if it's not with me he can have a happy relationship, to love and be loved again.
He's 31, handsome and interesting, it's such a waste he seems to be convinced that a real relationship is not for him.

Thanks for your help.