I agree completely Spirit, it really is an issue of trusting ourselves and appropriate boundaries.

I'm going to do those exercises you listed. Very good stuff.

One more thing I noticed:
When the person sees someone who is emotionally suffering, What is their response to it?
My ex saw a woman in AA who'd been through terrible abuse. She broke down in tears and ran out of the meeting. I went to comfort her, my heart went out since I too know that kind of terrible pain.
His comment was: "She's just beyond hope and she thinks God is going to handle everything."

Should have been a clue to me.

I tend to overlook such clues because I want acceptance. This is definately about trusting myself.

Let's keep talking.