Thanks guys - please keep the prayers coming.

My Dad has been off the ventilator about 12 days now, but he still needs breathing treatments. It's been really heartbreaking for me to talk to him and hear him sounding so breathless and vulnerable. At least the ventilator-induced psychosis is lifting. That was really freaky and disturbing to hear him talking that way. My Dad has been my rock. Everyone seems optimistic about his healing. I keep praying and thought it would help to request more prayers and positive thoughts from you all once again.

He's more oriented and lucid today to the point where he expressed concern about me. But I just said I'm doing okay.

In reality, I'm trying to figure out whether or, really, when, to go into this partial hospitalization program that my med nurse and psychologist are recommending. It would be five days a week for 3-5 weeks. My husband's first reaction was, "but you have the freelance projects to do...we need money, etc.." Well, I told him that's like asking me to ski with two broken legs, especially right now when my Dad's condition is tearing me up. Finally, my psych and med nurse said the way for him to help us get a steady income is to help me apply for SSI disability. It appears that a treatment and support team is developing in my life...I am supposed to hear from a social worker next week who will come over and help me fill out that application. The one for the state medical assistance was horribly difficult for me to complete, but I did, with the help of my psych.

I don't know...I try to go on with my days, working on starting a vegetable garden to save money on food next year. I just wish I knew what to do about the partial hospitalization. God, I had a horrible rage against my husband about this the other day. The med nurse put me on Lamictal last week and he said that should help. I never used to have problems with anger management. I can almost physically feel that there are things wrong with my brain.

Blah...I am also feeling guilty for coming here with my woes and asking for support because it's been so long since I've been able to do that for anyone else, much less come here and catch up on how everyone else is doing and get to know some new people, some of whom have so kindly supported me.

This is pretty rambling - if any editor wants to split this up into another thread, please feel free. I am having trouble just writing this much out.