I do not have a care giver. I suffer from nightmares as well. When coming out of I nightmare I am there, where all my abuse occurred with the abusers. I have no clue about the present or that I am in my home. It usually takes a good 15 minutes to ground.

Personally, if I had someone, I would want them to hold me tight and tell me over and over I was safe and I survived. I would want to hear it is over, you are home.

Another idea is to create a comfort box for your spouse. When I was hospitallized last time the therapist suggest I create a comfort box which would include things that would help ground me or relax me. Mine included: small, smooth stones; scented candles; feather boas; sudoko puzzles; silly putty; a pack of cigerettes,ashtray, and lighter; a baggie of sand to run my hands through; a deck of cards for solitaire; a slinky; music; snacks to eat; pictures of people who love me ..... You get the idea. The point is to distract yourself. Give yourself comforting sensory stimulation and mindless activities until you are solidly grounded with regular breathing, slow heart rate, and minimal intrusive thoughts.

This really does help and it does soothe me. But the comfort box is only accessible after I've come around enough to realize to grab it.

One other thing I have learned, when I first wake up from a nightmare it is real important to change location immediately. Just moving and getting out of bed to a chair or another room can snap you back quicker than if you stay in place. With some of my nightmares the best relief is just getting outside to breathe and see the endless sky.

Ask your spouse what he thinks would be the most important things to hear, what things would comfort him - a song? smell of cologne? a tennis ball?

Good LucK! He is very lucky to have you!