Evelyn

Thank you for the information. I missed it at first, then saw it after replying to Anthony's note.

The information you gave was helpful. The story of the dentist gives me a better picture of what the EMDR will do. And as far as the therapist I will be doing the EMDR with, as I told Anthony, I have done some checking and research, and that therapist has been trained and is licensed in EMDR. Believe me, if I feel any red flags, I will seek out someone else.

The therapist I have been seeing now has been using cognitive/behavioral methods, I guess. She has helped a great deal in helping me to stay functioning on a daily basis, and to keep my present job. I am a supervisor (I actually run the home) for seven staff; and I basically keep the home going and oversee the cares for four adult males with developmental disabilities. It is somewhat of a challenging job; but it is also very rewarding. I just need to take a day at a time with my job. Right now I'm in a very sensitive place with my boss. We haven't seen eye to eye on issues concerning the behavior programs of the clients at times. A few months ago, I was suspended for three days. Luckily, my boss decided to bring me back reminding of all the "good" things I have done at the home. So I guess at this time I am trying to prove myself all over again.

I have been in therapy for quite awhile. In 1983 I was hospitalized for two and a half months with acute depression. Then within the next six months was hospitalized for 1 or 2 weeks at a time, three more times. I was in a very "sick" relationship with my ex. Being a cop in a small town . . . well, I found it very difficult to talk to anyone. He was very controlling; and sexually and psychologically abusive as well. We divorced in 1989.

I have ongoing bouts with depression. I have an anxiety/panic disorder; and in 1999 was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. This is what I am seeing my present therapist for. I am on antidepressants and antianxiolytic meds. I also had fibromyalgia for 2 1/2 years, but went through biofeedback for one year, and have not had any trouble with fibromyalgia since.

As long as I am on a roll of my negative life story . . . I was molested by neighbors at age 5 and 7; incest by grandfather throughout childhood; and was raped at age 15 by my girlfriend's boyfriend. I had blocked that incident out for 8 years until I was hospitalized.

I was just thinking . . . all of this probably sounds like my life has been just horrible every day. Actually, I have wonderful relatives; my brother and I are very close and competitive (we challenge each other in life); I have a sister who is there if I need her; and she shares her kids with me. I have had good jobs, good bosses. In school and college my instructors were always kind and caring. Right now I have a dog who I spoil and spoil; and in turn I receive her unconditional love. I have a job I love. In the past couple of years I just haven't been able to figure out why I have felt so "crazy." Since being diagnosed with PTSD this summer, at least I have answers/reasons as to the craziness/symptoms I have been experiencing. After the trauma with the therapist, I would not sleep in my bed for five years. I always had severe nightmares. I also had an eating disorder whereby I would get up, go to the kitchen get tons of food and eat 3 to 4 times a night while I slept. That, I no longer do. I did finally start sleeping in my bed for awhile; but at this time, I am now sleeping in my den in my recliner. It takes me about two hours after work in front of the TV to get sleepy. I fall asleep, but then wake up 4 to 5 times a night. While I am sleeping, I am aware I am sleeping, so I guess I'm not getting the rest I need. On a daily basis, I have thought intrusion regarding the trauma with the therapist.

So, yes, I am very much looking forward to the EMDR. But I will be alert to making sure the therapist knows what she is doing, and explains everything to me before I do it.

Gosh, have I gone on and on . . . Thank you again, Evelyn, for the information. I am open to any information that is out there regarding PTSD.

If you have any questions, just let me know.