Okay, my BF came over tonight to talk a bit. He stayed for 1 hour. We talked about his PTSD symptoms and he shared with me what he was feeling and seeing. He has a lot of paranoia ~ thinks people are following him. He was followed a lot while serving in Afghanistan. He was very very strange tonight...he would say things about himself like he is a big liar and no good and then laugh. He did say that he trusted me and he normally doesn't share the symptoms of his PTSD. I know that he does trust me. Then he said he loves me. The next sentence he says that I can do much better than him because he is no good and will soon be a total nut case. He says there is no hope for him. I told him that I will be there for him and he is currently just having clouded thoughts due to the PTSD and he won't always feel this way. He says right now he has to keep his wall of protection up and cannot let anyone in...even his kids. No one gets in. I am just going to give him some time and let him contact me. If I don't hear from him in a few weeks, then I will call or email. He says he is drinking a lot at home. Does not go out because he doesn't want to risk getting arrested for driving drunk. (at least that is a smart move). He says he is destined to walk alone because it is best for everyone. He cannot relate to people. He has been out of the Army since 2004 and holds a normal job in management. He functions at work fine. Apparently he crashes at home. When he left my house tonight he hugged and kissed me ~ then said see I am bad. Like doing that was leading me on or he was doing something wrong. AARRRGGGHHHH!!

I am just going to concentrate on me. I need to lose a few pounds and I want to start an excercise program. Organize my house and my two kids keep me busy. I am just going to move on for now and pray for my BF. He needs to find his own way for now. I have told him that I am there for him. I pray that he gets a bit better soon. He seems so detached from the world.


Sisu