Sitting here thinking of times I have withheld stuff in therapy. the reason has always been fear. fear of rejection, fear of provoking the rage I would innocently and inexplicably summon upon my head as a child.

So the question then is, why stay with a therapist who has not created an atmospehere of sufficient safety that I can talk about anything and everyhing? Because sometimes some kind of therapy is better than none.

Two years ago when I was in desparate shape, it took me six long months, months in which my mental state continued to deteriorate, to find anyone state funded who would or could see me. Even though the situation with that person was far from ideal and there were things I did not feel safe talking about, it was stabilising, and I stuck with it until two things happened. I realised that I was not going to get done what needed doing with this person. And I was in touch with other professionals I knew I could rely on to find me a good replacement. They have resources and connections I simply don't. So now I am in between, on a waiting list. And that is OK.