The biggest healer I recieved in the past 15 years was the FACT that what I was experiencing was NORMAL for this disorder by reading and sharing from others with PTSD. It validated that I was doing the best I could under the circumstances. I felt I was spinning out of control and my body and mind were betraying me (much like the abusers I experienced). This itself in my mind made me and my thoughts another abuser and I was in a way triggering myself. I hope this makes sense.

Once I realized that it was this that was going on(syntax?), over and over again, I realized it was a true disorder, and while difficult it was survivable once I learned the strategies to manage the everyday and longterm effects. Man was that hard to accept and begin to take the steps in therapy and personally to begin that LONG and arduous journey(again and again). Even though it gave me a lot of Hope - at times it was overwhelming. The most discouraging aspect is I still lose sight of this often and have to reaffirm this piece over and over. A little frustrating . But I keep moving forward in spite of it.

This concept has been the most powerful for me. It does bring me back from the edge every time. Sometimes though, at each time I need a refresher course, it is a very risky time for myself and I don't even realize that is where I am again. It is a tedious and frustrating part of this disorder that can really anger me to the point of self harm and negative coping skills. This is a continous struggle for me and matters to my longterm survival with this disorder. It is a constant tug of war.