Ok, so I was going to not be here today (and I am going to leave in a minute) but something occured to me and I wanted to write it down before I forget. Can't make me much more twitchy then I am now.


This whole thing with my girls is different then when I lost my son. Don't get me wrong I was wretchedly upset...it was just different.

Maybe it is because I had other children to focus on during on during that time and things went straight to hell shortly there after but as much as I missed my son and wanted him and....I never really grieved for him...I never really felt this all consuming ache...I don't know that sounds bad....

Hell maybe it was being numb....couldn't feel much of anything....but when I found him last year it was like I was completely overwhelmed....I was happy in a way I can't describe and I grived and hurt at the same time.

But with the girls it is a never ending ache that no matter what I am doing if I even turn that direction and look at it for a quick I am just overcome with the most wretched grief....

I don't know...just a weird thought. And it still didn't come out quite right...