I reread my diary. All those events are in my conscious mind.........but I don't really feel anything still.
My therapist says I'm feeling better because I have some distance on the memories. I think I'm feeling better because I got the crappy man out of my house, am not stressed by work and not being triggered. But I do feel better. Like I can maybe get on with things.

But it still worries me that I'm not feeling anything when reading all this. Perhaps that's good, perhaps I should just leave it at that.

Perhaps its time to just concentrate on not getting victimized anymore.

I did do a lot of, what felt like, grieving when I got my ex out. Grieving for a ton of stuff, I guess.

I should just be glad I feel better and not second guess it. I'm just not sure how this healing stuff works, because we really haven't worked with any of the memories in therapy yet. Am I still numb?

The anger seems less, but that's because I'm not being triggered. I wonder what will happen when I get involved with a man again? Am I going to go beserk? If he doesn't have a job, I know I will.

Pondering...........