wow, really rainy Easter.

Congrats on the buying a house thing. I hope you get some room to plant stuff. Containers are really fun, and I have a lot of fun with them.

Maybe, you can visualize your kids as you take loving care of your plants. I know one thing, just having that kind of energy in your heart will transfer to their lives, whether they are conscious of it or not.

I think you were numb when it came to your son, or just overwhelmed. Plus, you likely very identify with a girl's need for a mother figure............therefore, the ache in your heart for not being able to be there in the flesh as that for them.

Give yourself a break............you've gone through so much. Keep the love in your heart and know that God or whatever, will transfer that to them............I knew my Mother, she abandoned me more than just physically, but emotionally to the max, just tossed in the towel. Could never figure out why, I was straight A's, tried to please, etc. Just couldn't put up with what my Dad was doing.
You haven't abandoned your kids emotionally..........give yourself some credit.