Oh yeah...you are still numb. Which of course makes sense since you have been through more in your life then most in the real world would get in 10 lifetimes. There is no way you would be able to process it all at once so...

And as much as I hate to say it you are going to have to work your way through it and it will hurt like hell...I'm sorry.

Honestly I would not stress about the future...it will come when it gets here and in the meantime you should focus on getting through today. You are doing great.

As for the man thing...well you probably will get triggered...a lot I am sure. So I guess it would depend on the man...Triggering does not necessarily mean the guy is bad news...It is going to be a matter of taking your time and finding the one who is worth it.