My thick stubborn head is starting to realize that my BF is not coming back to me anytime soon. I cannot handle being shut out and ignored. I have been giving and giving for some time now and he gives me nothing. Not anything but an I love you and a couple kisses. I really think he did that just to keep me slightly on the hook....and because I wanted so much for this to work out I grabbed on to any hope. He was so wonderful and now he is so distant, detached and quite frankly mean to me. He ignores my phone calls and emails. I really don't believe the I love you's anymore. I think its just a game...even if he is unaware of playing games, that is exactly what he is doing. Playing a game with my heart. It is not fair. I understand ptsd is a horrible thing and I am sure that he saw horribile things in the war, however I do not think that it is right to use ptsd as an excuse to be inhuman. No one should treat another person poorly. Apparently he is not able to change that so I have to not allow it. I am leaving him alone. I cannot handle the pain right now. I feel like I am beating my head against the wall. Why did all that stuff happen to him? Why did he come into my life? Why did we have 8 beautiful months to fall deeply in love? Why couldn't I have found this out sooner? Why can't he allow me into his life again? Why doesn't he think he is good enough for me? Why does he think he is destined to walk alone? Doesn't he know that is a choice?? He is choosing to walk alone....ptsd doesn't cause that. He can be better than he is. He has to want to be better than he is. He claims his counselor told him that he is no good with people anymore and that he is best to avoid people....if that is so, why would a counselor say that?

Sisu