For a long time I unknowingly held back my emotions.

If I hurt myself I would internalise the pain. If I was hurting emotionally I would hold it all back.

Eventually, all of that holding back became a sea of swallowed up emotions, which settled deep down inside of me. I became as barren as the arid desert.

However, although at times my crying is still a delayed reaction to an emotion or event I can and do cry. I guess the strange thing is that this 'crying game' takes me over at inopportune moments. It feels uncomfortable to be walking down the street and feel overwhelmed by the urgency of oncoming tears. Sometimes I cry so hard that it physically hurts.

I think I am grieving, grieving for lost innocence, lost opportunities, a lost life!

I am grieving, but I am also crying for what I can see ahead of me, I can taste it, smell it and all of my senses are alerted to what is out there, a future perhaps? I just want this 'future' that I never dreamed of, so bad that it makes me cry.

Can you cry? And what do you cry over?

Spirit x