First off, whenever I start with someone new working on my head I have a panic attack. I feel so uncomfortable to put it mildly. I just started with a new psychiatrist and it took three meetings for me to breathe normal and not have a racing heart, oh and did I mention even thinking straight.

Some times it just takes some time and space to square away the safety and trust issue.

Now, about the - how do you share. Sometimes when I'm really struggling with something I will wait to the last second and say, oh by the way ... Well, it is kind of unfair, but I look at it as foreshadowing. It's on my mind, I'm not really ready to talk tonight but we can start here next time. I don't say that but it is the consequence. If I have had a week where I pile of stuff has come up, I OFTEN bring a list - two copies one for each of us. Then I don't lose my train of thought and it is kind of like a checklist. Together we prioritize the list so if we run out of time we've hit the biggies at least.

When I first remembered my childhood sexual abuse my therapist was on vacation - I saw his colleague - which was OK because it atleast helped me to understand all these PHYSICAL reactions to my thoughts. When my psychologist returned I tried the old game plan, beat around the bush a little, answer a few questions - the easy ones. When the hard ones came I said aren't we out of time? "Oh, your not leaving until you share with me what you remembered" SHIT - No where to go. I stayed I shared, it was like three sessions, but it was so important for both of us that we set the stage and the ground rules so to speak in order to get through it. I felt so much better when I left, lighter. It took me probably 8 to 10 months to remember and share all that happened.

When I shared I always hugged a pillow, never looked him in the eyes, sometimes I would lay across my lap and look at the rug. Often I would keep my feet off the floor so no one could get them from under the couch. On some occasions I would even have to look behind the couch to feel safe. To this day whenever I go to see him (T) or am out in public I sit with my back to the wall and facing the entrance to the room. It is the only way I can feel mostly safe.

So, Bring a list - dress comfortable - position yourself comfortable so you feel safe. Your therapist knows how difficult it is for you and should help you along the way - trust him/her. It's up to them to tell you to breathe, help you to ground yourself and pace yourself.

That's how I did it.

Cindy