OK, I've been trying to stay clear of this thread but it is really pissing me off.

Is the point of the thread to genuinely enquire & challenge those reluctant to talk in therapy or is to say how proud you of yourself for getting to a certain point in your recovery? Both are fine but let's be honest about it.

I don't know if I'm missing something here or misunderstanding the question or subsequent posts so please steer me right if I've got it wrong. But here goes.

I thought a big part of PTSD was a reluctance to talk about the details of the trauma? I think avoidance of emotions/feelings etc is common. Certainly that's been my experience but maybe I have some subtype of PTSD.

Furthermore, I actually don't remember some or all aspects of my trauma. So not sure how I can 'tell all' when I don't 'remember all'. Again, thought failure to remember certain key elements of the trauma was not that uncommon in people suffering PTSD.

Do you have to push yourself to tell your therapist things. Yes. Should it be hard work. Yes. Of course you can't keep trotting out "I can't tell my therapist that" line continously. But initially in the early stages it's not at all uncommon for those suffering the affects of trauma to do such thing. But eventually as the relationship grows, as the symptoms are down to a more manageable level, as the environment the sufferer in is more stable, then the sufferer should be pushing themselves more and more each session.

Personally, I trust my therapist as much as I can trust anyone. She is highly qualified and experienced in PTSD. I can only go on the feedback she gives me (and maybe she's blowing smoke up my butt) that I work incredibly hard and that my progress is rapid.

Despite all my hard work, there are times that I go in with full intentions to say x, y, z and it doesn't happen.

I have yet had anyone explain to me in a language that I understand why that happens.

Except to say 'just say it' or 'your in denial' or 'your not trying hard enough' or 'well I can do it why can't you'

Sometimes there are merits in some of those things, and I will look at myself and discover that I'm not pushing myself enough or particularly early on there was no doubt I was in denial.

But other times, these just don't wash. The best I can work out is that there is complicated system of defense mechanisms that I employ. It may be that I become hostile & aggressive towards the therapist, I over intellectalise/analyse, I dissociate and geniunely forget etc etc. I'm trying to work out what defense mechanisms I use so that I become aware of them, and through that awareness, hopefully stop them before they start.

Most likely these are the defense mechanisms I employed during the trauma.

What I'd love to see from this thread is some constructive challenges & advice on how to over come those defense mechanisms, how do you recognise them and overcome them. Particularly if you can tell everything to your therapist so openly, I really think that would be helpful for others to learn from. Rather then "I have no problem with that", I'm really curious to know what you may be doing differently.

For the record what helps me is writing it down beforehand, and handing it over.

I'd also like to challenge those who say "But I can't tell my therapist...." as to what are the feelings behind that statement which some have already done - Shame being a big factor, which I totally understand but perhaps we can pool our ideas to work out a way to overcome the shame factor which in turn may help those to be more candid with their therapist.

I don't know anyone who would intentionally waste time & money, but I do know that traumatised people may lose their voice. If you've found your voice then great, let's see if we can all help each other find our own.