Thread: Question Trust With Your Therapist - Or Not?
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Old 25-03-2008, 08:48 PM
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Awakening,

My intention is not to put anyone down, nor raise myself up and pat me on the back for a job well done.

As I mentioned on either this thread or another one. It was the fact that life wasn't working for me anymore. I had just had my 7th suicide attempt, and the head shrink on the ward asked me if life was working for me. I told him no and then he basically told me to get with the program.

I was in and out of therapy from age 15 till then, with only telling somethings, laughing about other things, not telling how I felt, what had been done to me, how I reacted. I had a chip on my shoulder the size of Texas, and an attitude to match.

That day in the ward, he made me see that unless I opened up my soul and spilled my guts that everything I had inside of me was just going to rot me from the inside out. That my coping skills were not effective anymore, I needed to learn new and healthy ones.

I basically had to give up control of the driver seat. I had to put my faith in the fact that someone else may just be better equipped to do this, because I certainly wasn't. I was a **** up. Messing up my life and those that I cared about the most.

Once I opened up, it was easy to spill my guts. It was a heavy burden that had been lifted.

Sorry if this offends anyone...NOT my intention.......I do know how hard it is to trust another human being when you have been violated to the point that you feel stripped of your soul, and that you are nothing but a mere shell of the human you were before,,,BUT!!!!!!!! DO you deserve to stay this way?????? Do you deserve to remain that victim???? Do you deserve to NOT live????? Do you deserve to feel less than human??????

Yes opening up to your therapist is a choice. A hard one, but a choice non the less. I for one was a victim for most of my life. I TOOK the power back the day I decided I was NOT a victim anymore. I spilled my guts, took my share of the responsibility, placed blame where it needed to be, and I took back my life.

I have made many mistakes along the way, and through out my life. I still make them, but I am a much better person, I have learned a lot through this journey, and continue to learn. PTSD is a work in progress......
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