Sisu, I understand that you want so badly to help your BF. I understand that you want to stop his drinking. You want him to get back to the courtship phase of your relationship, those early months which were so good (and courtship generally is the best, as a person doesn't let it all hang out during that phase).

You get a lot out of being a helper. And I know that right now you are getting nothing back from this relationship - you are shut out. He is not letting you help him. You are probably a very nurturing person by nature.

But if you have a history of dating men with issues - immaturity, etc., perhaps you need to step back and take a hard look at yourself. Do you seek men who have problems that you can help with? Do you seek men who have a need you can see for nurturing? for helping? Could this be your issue, in a sense, that you seek this as it fills a need in you?

You can't really help him. He has to help himself. All you can do is to be supportive. He has to be the one to decide to seek help, to make changes, etc. You might suggest that he needs help. You cannot control whether he decides to get some help.

Until your BF decides that he wants to get better, he won't, no matter what you do. You can offer to be there for him. You can offer your love, your support, your companionship. You will never control his drinking, nor convince him not to self-medicate. You will never pull him out of a depression, nor make him want someone to hold his hand when all he really wants is solitude.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.



Cowgirl