Sisu,

It's been a bit since I've posted, but felt compelled after reading your experience.

Please know that you're not alone. I'm so grateful to this forum for helping me connect the pieces to a really complicated puzzle between me and my ex. I second Samsara's advice for a 'final' email. I sent it to mine nearly three weeks ago. It was empowering, but extremely sad for me. "What if it really is goodbye?", I thought. I didn't want to give him any more reason to give up. Although, his actions had clearly shown he had given up, so I was just calling it what it was. I was taking back my pride and my dormat love. I gave him a brief synopsis of why I was doing it. I stress keeping it brief because the last thing they need is something overly complicated. I then told him what he needed to do. I told him he needed therapy. I told him he needed to learn to like himself, to like others, stop being angry, etc. It all sounds so basic. But, I said that it wasn't until he could learn these things that he could ever be in a healthy adult relationship. I sure he knows that, just like your ex does. But, sometimes they need that line of correlation drawn between their behavior and the conquences in their life. As has been pointed out, they do not easily perceieve just how they actions affect others.

I also stress the need for it to be final. I so badly wanted to add "for right now". But, those words in themselves will keep you in this tangled mess. Believe me, I know. He was such a toxic distraction for me, my grades in school went to pot and I was basically fired. The upside of my termination was that they knew that I have (controlled) clinical depression, so they offered me severence -- enough for me to move back South, where all my friends are! But, my point is this -- do not let him take any more from you than he already has. I was incredibly fortuante to find myself in a sitution with a kind employer. And the thing is, it becomes a slippery slope, and you don't even see where it's lead you until it's too late, and you're life starts to look as haphazzard as theirs.

I, too, have questioned why I am attracted to persons who are damaged, and have yet to figure it out. But, the first step is to start looking out for yourself. That is not selfish. It's necessary. Draw lines for yourself. Know what you will and will not put up with. Because, as much as you may truly love this man, his condition does not give him the right to treat you any less than you deserve!

Best of luck, Sisu!