Hi Sisu,

It wasn’t too long ago that I was where you are. Had a wonderful relationship of several months, knew about the PTSD but it didn’t seem to be a factor. Then some triggers happened and the downward spiral began right after the holidays. I Even got the same lecture of “you deserve more than this” and then contact ceased.

I know and have been exactly where you are - it eats you up every day wondering if you’ll hear, if maybe the next time you make contact there will be a response and everything will go back to where it was. If only….

All I can say is you have to take care of yourself first. Channel your energy into ways to help yourself. I found I was spending so much time trying to figure things out that I started to neglect my own well-being. I looked at ways to improve my life in the short term…losing some lbs, getting exercise, paying attention to things I neglected during the relationship. The hardest part was taking a good hard look at what I want in a relationship and how I want to be treated by someone I love. It isn’t an easy task, but you’ll find there are a lot of things that probably don’t mesh between what you’re looking for and how you're being treated right now.

It is so hard when emotions developed during a loving, caring time have to catch up with the reality of how things are now. You will have to consider, too, that in the end, maybe fate has dictated that he has come into your life, not to be the life partner of your dreams, but for a different reason - to teach you lessons for your life journey. Maybe to better prepare you so that in time you WILL find the person of your dreams.

Acknowledge that and thank him in your heart, but try not to keep dwelling on the PTSD and what you can do to cure it. Allow yourself time to grieve. Allow yourself to see what a beautiful and good person you are in spite of what has happened to you. Take things one day at a time and slowly but surely you’ll get to a point where you can still wish the best for him, but not continue to linger on the bad times.

Do I have days when I fall back into thinking “What if?“ Absolutely! But as time passes, I find those times are fewer, and not as debilitating. My constant wondering is starting to be replaced, by thankfulness for the good times we had, but also with an understanding that PTSD has caused my relationship to change.

Work hard at getting back to living your life. Focus on your needs and this will set you on the road to help heal the hurt you feel right now.