I'm curious.

Reflecting on my journal and my choices I have realized on week ends when I am home and safe I don't leave the house unless absolutely necessary. If I do leave, it is something really great or a "duty" like my mother. I feel safest inside.

However, I love the outdoors. The air, sky, and nature sounds. When I have the worst flashbacks or nightmares I sometimes find myself outside unsure of how I got there or go outside desperately seeking air and seeing that limitless sky - as soon as possible to ground, focus and settle down.

It seems wierd to me to have both ends be so comforting. I use to be outside more than I was in and very active. Now I have many sedentary hobbies and interests. It's like I've built this caccoon around me.