I am also most comfortable alone at home, or alone deep in the wilderness. I never quite relax if there is even one person around. I am always keyed to meeting whatever needs / requirements they may have, even if it is just to converse with them. And when I do relax, I mostly just cry my heart out.

When I am in the forest, I know my place in the universe and everything makes sense. I know I am a part of everything I see hear smell feel. Cities are alienating at the best of times. Feeling alone in the midst of a world of people is crushing. Being alone with no one around is effortless, and feels natural to me. I enjoy my own company at least some of the time.

I am feeling like I am sliding away from even those I am most connected to at the moment. I don't even want to see my niece and nephew. It is an effort to communicate. Time to get my meds checked I guess.

I am 47. I don't actally believe my social deficits can be compensated for at this point. I just need to learn to get by. Sorry if some of this is off the point...

A life other that what I have always known remains quite unimaginable.