Sometimes at the beginning of a relationship there are red flags that we just don't see because, as you said, we are looking through rose colored glasses. We see all of the positive things, and that little flash of red is something we miss. At the beginning, the other person is in that flush of new romance too, and so they are not waving their red flags about wildly, either. I've been there a few times.

It is only later in a relationship when we let it all hang out. And that is when the red flags become more noticeable. It is only then that you can really weigh the good and the bad and determine if the relationship is going to work for you long term or not.

I'm not perfect either. I suppose that for some people I would have red flags. I have PMS (Lord knows I do). I can be a terrible procrastinator. I am not the most organized person in the world. Perfectionists are driven batty by me. So, I'm sure that people who have been in relationships with me have weighed out my faults in the same way I'm describing here.

When you reach that phase in the relationship, you have to do some serious soul searching sometimes. You remember all of the really good things about the person, but now you are confronting that elephant in the living room that you once thought was merely a dust bunny. No, now it is a larger, more obvious, more imposing problem, and one not easily remedied.

In the case of PTSD, it is likely a life long thing - you aren't going to fix it, so can you learn to cope with it? Is your partner doing things to try to cope with it that aren't destructive to you?

Can you live with that? Do you still get enough out of the relationship that you can tolerate that elephant? Can you set boundaries so that the elephant does not create such a problem for you? Or must you acknowledge that despite all the wonderful qualities that attracted you to the other person, that elephant makes them incompatible with you for a life partner?

Ending a romantic relationship because it does not work for you does not necessarily mean that you can never be friends with them again, although it often means that. But ultimately, you must weigh what you must contend with in the relationship vs. what you get from the relationship. And that may mean ending the relationship. You are not a bad person if you come to the conclusion that it was not right for you after all. You are making an intelligent and mature decision. And ultimately, a loving decision - there is nothing loving about sticking it out with someone who makes you miserable, as they will be miserable too.

If you stay, you must learn to set and enforce boundaries so that you can live with this person. The relationship should enhance your life, not make you miserable.

Just some thoughts on this rainy day,

Cowgirl