I actually feel like a part of something...even if the people are secretive and afraid and embarrassed because of their past and it is hard to make friends...I have seen and it took me a year to let people in.. I never imagined this forum would become a way of life for me to communicate with others in such pain too, just looking for someone to assist them.. I have been feeling sorry for myself because i have so many traumas but so do others here...i finally am telling myself I am not a freak...i am a hurt wounded soul but i am working hard to repair relationships I have lost..I have been posting more in others diaries and I know I have some good things to say, sometimes it makes me feel good to see progress from something i have said or written........well written. My chat won't work...freezes my laptop everytime. Maybe i should try on my roommates before we go our separate ways, anyway I have received so much positive support and i have been so focused on my healing that I have not been using the user cp..that lets others know you appreciate their words and their little green dots increase...I have gotton mine at three and would love to know I am making a difference..so i am going to try from now on to take part in this process of helping each other and giving each other even kinder things to read...anything nice that is said...always will make a difference. i want to make a diference...I want to heal and i want my knowledge, cbt, nursing skills to continue to help others in any way.......so the sorry is..to all the people that support me and I did not use the user cp properly..i am sure I read it but my brain is like mush sometimes and my short term memory fails me more often than I would like.I will try my best to thank you this way. I plan to never leave this forum it has become like She said...a lifeline.