Going back to my earlier post about the feeling of the "knife twisting in my heart" every time the trauma comes up, I think that, for me, not only is it a trust issue, but it's also a stability issue. Even with the PTSD and all that crap, I'm fairly stable. I can go to work, take care of things that need to get done, and basically function and lead (what appears to be) a "normal" life.

BUT, if I push myself too hard in threapy, and discuss things that I don't feel comfortable discussing, I am likely to become unstable and not be able to function. (And in fact, most of the times I have been on this brink of instability was due to things that were said during therapy rather than other triggers from the PTSD.) While I know most of you think that it's better to get it all out in order to heal, thinking more about the long term and all, this isn't as simple as it sounds. If I do get unstable, I can't work. If I can't work, I may lose my job. If I lose my job, I lose my house and all that I've worked for. If I lose my house, I have nowhere to live. Etcetera, etcetera. So for me, sometimes not being fully open IS what's best...at least for now.