This is tough. I really can't say that I would have been receptive to advice at the time. I didn't see anything wrong with this treatment. I thought this was how marriages worked. It was the only way I had ever been treated in relationships. I didn't understand that I was part of the equation in the treatment and accepted it. Because of my early abuse circumstances and mortal threats I never stood up to anyone who threatened me in any way.

Standing up to someone takes major confidence and a risk or willingness to lose it all. That can be really scary for financial reasons and personal safety. If you include a child the stakes are quadrupled.

It comes down to I think, the personal support the person has at the time and their willingness to believe in the unbiased truth. Recognizing their part and willing to turn away from what is known and comfortable (even if it is abusive) and strike out on their own - alone again.

Giving advice takes a real risk. If you do, you may alienate the person and lose an opportunity for support you may give. What you say, if heard, will cause pain to the person recieving the advice. If I were in this position today I think I would connect the person with an intervention service for the initial break from the abuse so I could be available in the aftermath. OR I would offer educational materials to the victom illustrating types of abuse and typical methods of abuse for the victom to identify with and then connect them with a resource (person) who could help them out of it. They need to see it is not you specifically recognizing the pattern but it is a well known cycle and many professionals recognize it without any malice towards the abuser but the process of abuse. It takes the personal aspects out of the loop not making the victom identify with the abuser in a defense mode in any way which will only cloud the issue even more.