Ok, here's what I think. I think you should write her a letter...just saying how you feel..being the "adult" and taking full responsibility, (even if it was 50/50). In the letter, don't push the whole "let's get together" thing too much, and tell her that you do respect her boundaries. And, the tough thing: don't expect a response. I know this is difficult, but that way if a response comes, it will be a great way to start moving forward. If it doesn't, everything remains status quo.

Now this is JMO; I obviously don't know the whole background. But, I do know how much you love your daughter and those grandkids, so, just maybe taking the chance is worth it.

And...if it doesn't work out, that DOESN'T mean that it never will. Everyone struggles with their own issues, and it takes us all different amounts of time to heal. Maybe your daughter still isn't ready, but that doens't mean that there isn't hope for the future.