I truly do appreciate the replies, and the advice that all of you have given.

The problem is.....None of you can possibly understand the pain, the emotional upheaval, the fear, the panic, the guilt, the frustration,the ache deep withing my heart that I feel. UNLESS you have children/grandchildren that have been taken away from you/don't speak to you then you can not possibly understand what a person goes through.

I can't tell you the thoughts that go through my head in the course of the day. I can't possibly convey the love that I have in my heart with NO WHERE to place it. Everyday that goes by is ONE more day that my grandchildren grow and I have not been able to witness their growth, their changing, their lives. I have not seen them in 5 yrs, I don't even know what they LOOK like anymore. They were small children and now are almost adults.

Please....I'm sorry I started this thread. I was venting. I know that all of you just wanted to help, but the bottom line is you can't, you don't have a clue as to what I go through. Unless you have been in my shoes and walked the path that I walk everyday, then you can't possibly understand the pain that I have as a parent/grandparent that has been denied the right to love and be loved.

When a parent has been denied their children the pain is like no other pain in the world. It hurts to the core of your being. I can't even verbalize the pain, there are no ****ing words to tell all of you the pain in my heart.