My x's family was dysfunctional. His mother and sister stopped all communication. The grandchildren were also taken away at the time. Well, the sister cut off her whole family from the extended family. The mother continued to send letters, occasion cards, estate money with no replies. The checks were cashed but no information about its use. The grandchildren who were cut off at 10 and 12 regained communication and bonds with their grandmother and uncle (my x) once they were away at college. This had to be so difficult for them because it was against their mother's wishes and they could have gotten a lot of repercussions. They did it anyway, in spite of the bad mouthing that had occurred by their mother over many years of bitterness. SO HAVE HOPE!!!!

My own daughter and I had a huge falling out from when she was 17 - 21. We are still not on solid ground and continue to struggle to understand one anothers actions and communications. She became very abusive to me when her Father dropped dead suddenly. She refused counselling in any form. Finally we reached a point of (what I thought) no return. I kicked her out for self preservation, physically and emotionally. All I could see is her father replaying through his daughter. Is it in the genes? Anyway, many things were said by her that hurt me to the core and continue to naw at my insides.
Namely, I wasn't emotionally available to her when I was raising her. I had become someone else after she was about 3 or 4. As much as I hate to admit it she was absolutely right. I've had to learn to accept that and recognize I did the best I could at the time with what I did have to offer. She was safe, cared and provided for. She participated in activities that she wished to through my personal sacrifice. It was better than I ever had but it was not perfect. But, is there ever a perfect? I hope that one day she will reflect on all that she had and did and accurately percieve her childhood with both her Dad and I, even if it was in two homes.


SO, Do they return?
Sometimes.
Under what conditions?
Limited or different with new boundaries and rules to follow.
Will you see the grandchildren again?
Maybe
Should you communicate?
Absolutely, but with no expectations


Remember we cannot control other's actions but only our response to theirs.

One last thing, I believe you think her life is a basket of roses, but roses have thorns. It's not all great without you, even if she doesn't realize it.
IMO, try to create a life for yourself in spite of her by keeping your doors open for change and compensating for your loss by other activities. "Adopt" a grandchild, read books in a library to young children, volunteer with some youth organizations - ???. Just some thoughts. I know some kids who would love to hear your stories of growing up in the "old" days - I'm 50 so I join you, they don't know who Gilligan is on Gilligan's Island anymore.