He came over last night and we just hung out and watched a movie. I just wanted to hang out with no stress of talking about "us" because I already knew the answer to that situation. Plus, we used to enjoy just hanging out. Besides our "love connection" we truly were best friends. We truly enjoyed each others company. I guess I was hoping for that.

Anyway, as I was sitting there watching the movie...he would say things like, "you look uncomfortable", or "have you gone on dates yet?" or "you must have the men all over". I just kinda ignored his comments because it was then I finally realized that he is playing a game. Not one to intentionally hurt me, but a game none the less. He is checking my "status" and although he is not available emotionally right now. So, later when he got up I moved over on my couch and layed down. I have a huge sectional couch that could probably seat 8 or more people. Plenty of room for me to lay down and still room for him to sit, lay or whatever. He chose to practically sit on top of me he was so close. He grabbed my hand and held it. Then at one point I sat up to get a drink of my drink and when I went to put my head back down, he put his arm around me and pulled me over so my head was on his chest. Of course I did not resist ~ should I have?? Confusion... This is how we would always watch tv when we were together. Anyway, when he was ready to leave he leaned over and hugged and kissed me. I was ready to just give him a peck ~ which I did. He then said, "is that all you got?". I was a bit confused. Then he kissed me again.....much more passionately. Confusion.... Then he hugged and kissed me again at the door.

I CANNOT allow this. It hurts my heart when all I want is for us to be back together. Because of this I read into what his actions are and get optomistic. It will only wind up hurting me if I think this way. I don't think he understands how his actions affect me yet. I cannot handle the hot and cold. WHY IS THIS SO HARD??

Sisu