She,

You sound like you are in great pain. I am trying to offer you a bit of hope. I am not trying to minimize your pain.

I lost a sister in a horrible way, and that was deeply painful, as she and I were very close. Due to her ex's issues, I then "lost" a nephew. He was completely lost to us, with no contact. I did not even know where he might have ended up. THIRTY YEARS went by, not knowing even if he was alive. There was a hole in our family, a sadness, not knowing what became of my sister's only child.

Then, due to the magic of Google, we found him!

So then what? How on earth to you approach someone you have not seen for THIRTY YEARS? His father (my sister's ex) had ill feelings toward my family. My nephew had not tried to contact any of us. Did he even want to be found? Did he share his father's hatred, or what would he feel? Should I just leave him be, after so many years?

I decided to write him an email. i figured there was little chance I'd ever hear back, but I figured I'd be the grown up and write and let him know that we still love him, think about him, and miss him. And lo and behold, he responded. It took him over a month, but by gosh, he wrote back!!! And he then contacted my parents, who got to learn about their great grandchildren. And then got to SEE their great grandchildren!

So, no. I don't know your pain. I only know my pain. Life is painful for everyone at some point, unless they are truly fortunate or not very sensitive to painful experiences.

All I do is offer a ray of hope, if you are looking for one. If you cannot contact your daughter, you have grandchildren who are old enough to have their own lives now, and who can choose to learn about their long-lost grandmother if they choose. For that to happen, you'll have to set aside your desire for an apology and decide to see what the future holds.

Otherwise, all I can do is offer my condolences for your sorrow.

Best wishes,

Cowgirl