From Anthony's thread:
What is Traumatic Enough for PTSD? Quote:
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When the assailant is a natural catastrophe, it can be explained away as an accident of fate, providing human error was not at fault, however; then the assailant is another person, your trust in humanity, society and human beings in general is shaken or shattered entirely.
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This is something I've been struggling with since my last trauma. I grew up being abused and maltreated, however I was fortunate that I could always rationalize it away as mental illness on their part.
My last trauma, however, I couldn't. It was deliberate, methodical, and sadistic. I began to perceive myself and others differently. The first noticeable change was that I began to perceive people as lying to me, and that they were lying to me for their personal gain. My therapist referred to this as overcompensating, and I believe I have overcompensated in other ways as well.
If you had asked me a year ago to describe our world in terms of people, I would have talked on and on about poverty and disease and how people are suffering. I would have talked about how I was learning about just how common abuse survivors are. I may have talked about the lack of infrastructure in Africa, the homeless in this country, and the need for better medical care in Central America. And I would have talked about the ideas I had for making the world better and ending all this suffering.
Now I find myself wondering if humanity is worth saving. I also find myself shocked that such a thought keeps weighing on my mind. If you asked me the same question now, I would talk about how the world lacks integrity. About how human ignorance and misunderstanding knows no bounds. About how I struggle to understand why people knowingly hurt others without a justified reason, why they are so prejudiced, and how I struggle to understand the minds of these people. About how it's such an awful world out there with so many awful people, and I might regal you with stories about all the good people I know who's lives or minds have been destroyed by someone else's greed. Suddenly agoraphobia makes more sense to me.
I don't want to see the world like this, and part of me says my perception is out of whack. I've been trying to inch my way back towards believing in people and seeing the good in society. I even bought Bill Clinton's new book "Giving: How Each of Us Can Change the World." It's full of stories about people doing good things for the sake of it, my hope was the book would help deprogram my mind.
I've made progress, but it has been slow. I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this.