Ok, I can understand that. Anger though is an emotional response, and medication won't actually calm a response of anger, rage, etc... it only suppresses the emotion in an attempt, though always fails. People ask me how one comes off medication to live without it, or with only small doses compared to normal dosage. The answer still remains the same.... one must deal with the trauma, the fear, the negative stigma that you feel. I guess the answer really is what works for you best. Obviously a medication is making you depressed, as that is a side effect off anti-depressants and some other anxiety medications, in that they actually make depression worse. That means you have to change meds.... yes, I understand you feeling like a test tube for medications, unfortunately you must endure the process to find what works best for you as what your on is failing you.

My opinion only.... I would remove yourself from Lexapro immediately if still taking it. That is a known to increase suicidal ideation. Ditch it and replace the medication with something more common such as Prozac or similar. Lexapro is still quite new onto the market compared to Prozac. Whilst all medications have side effects, some more than others still.

You could easily wipe out all your medications for just one anxiety med. If you do one and one only, and being not one that is trying to treat two major issues, being anxiety and depression which is what Lexapro attempts and fails, then you will have a more stable foundation to base your approach upon. Example, go onto xanax and measure the results of your anxiety. If you improve greatly with little to no major side effects, stick with it. If not, exchange that drug for another, DO NOT allow your physician to prescribe more drugs to counter side effects of the one drug.... which is what is occurring to you from what your saying. That is a big no no.... one drug and it either works or it doesn't. You don't take more drugs to treat side effects, you just try another medication until you find the one that treats your anxiety with the least and little side effects as possible. Find it, stick with it and work like hell on your trauma.

I say that because your body will build immunity to that drug that works, and you will have to withdraw and change it. So you may as well just face all your fears on the drug that works best for you, then taper of that drug as your healing improves, then remove it or remain on a low dosage to just calm the minor constant anxiety that PTSD often stems for what PTSD is.

I would honestly seek a medication specialist though if you can, especially if you are being given drugs to treat side effects of another drug... that is all just wrong.