Hi estrella.

When I was around 14/15 I lost 100% of my memory. I knew my name. That was it. Since my mid twenties, I have slowly been gaining memory back. I probably have about 20% of those beginning years.. and even some years beyond that age are fuzzy or blanks.

My memory loss is called traumatic amnesia. Basically, whatever bad happened to me, made me wipe out all recollection of myself. I have a severe case by any stretch of the imagination. We have a few others that severe here, also. With this type of amnesia, as you become better equipped to handle the memories and emotions, you begin to remember bits and pieces. Some people will end up with a 100% recall, some with only half and some with only bits. Each person is different.

Remembering and relearning things about myself is sometimes exciting, frustrating or scary. With my amnesia being an integral part of who I am and how I identify myself, it can create a lot of distress for me. Many times what I remember doesn't match what I believe myself to be or who I am. It can be very confusing. Some days I hate that I am remembering things, wishing only that I could go back to the nothingness I am comfortable with. Some things are painful beyond belief and others make me ache for how much I really missed out on. It's just a big assed mess basically. What gets me through it is the fact that this is a sign that I am getting stronger. My brain knows I'm ready to deal with it, so here it is. Someday I may be a complete person. Maybe I will stay with these bits and pieces. But I'm moving forward.

I'm not sure if your memory loss is for the same reasons, but I hope that my sharing this.. helped in someway.

bec